The Century King - a tribute to Tendulkar

This is a spoof of the short story – ‘The Tiger King’ written by Kalki. It is purely for fun and no hurt sentiments are intended.

The God of Cricket is the hero of this story. He maybe identified as Sachin Ramesh Bradman Richards Sobers Border Gavaskar Lara Tendulkar or S.R.B.R.S.B.G.L. Tendulkar or just Sachin or just Tendulkar. He is often called the Century King. And this story is about why he got his name.

As soon as the King was born, bespectacled astrologers looked at him with sheer curiosity, “This boy will cry when he is sleepy,” they said. The elderly Tendulkar looked on. “I will make him play cricket,” the senior Tendulkar said. “So then he will score runs!” exclaimed the astrologer.

Right then, a miracle happened. The stars foretold of no such miracles, it was like Sreesanth completing an over without dancing in the middle of the pitch, the 2 day old baby spoke. “Aila,” he said. “O wise prophets, isn’t it understood if one plays cricket, one day or the other he will score runs?” “Tell me how many centuries will I score?”

“Ninety nine…” replied the astrologer.

“Ninety nine…? Why ninety nine and not a hundred?” Senior Tendulkar asked.

“He will retire right at the stroke of the 99^th hundred.”

“That shall not be…” said the baby in strong resistance.

***

Then on, the Century King was brought up just like any other budding cricketer would. He had a cricket kit, a bat shaped bed, a miniature bat in place of a spoon (everytime he ate), a watch that was the shape of a cricket field. He studied the Wisden Cricket Manual to pass his matriculation and the only speech he delivered was at the Bradman Cricket Oration. Music to him meant the sound of a cricket ball hitting the meat of his bat and dance to him was the constant movements to adjust his crotch guard.

Then the day came, the Century King made his debut in International cricket. On a placid pitch in Karachi which was as dead as the expression on Manmohan Singh’s face, he went on to score a hundred. His first, people rejoiced the birth of a hero all over the country but he shyly faced the cameras and murmured, “Aila, more to come…”

In the next 20 years he faced the world’s best bowling attacks in the world’s toughest pitches. Shane Warne had nightmares, Shoaib mentioned him in his prayers, Wasim took early retirement and McGrath lost his hair (and his wife), but no-one could stop the Century King from reaching the Century of Centuries.

A famous folklore was born out of the King’s greatness. It was said that once during a practice game, Tendulkar batted for his team and scored 400, then he went quickly to the Dressing Room, changed and came out to bat again for the opposition. He scored a run more than four hundred to better his score and started dancing to “Duniya hila denge hum…” Other stories spoke of how he looked at an Umpire who had wrongly given him out for 99 and the umpire burnt into flames and was never to be seen again.

During his free time, Tendulkar nursed his dodgy elbow and shadow practiced batting. So one day, his wife gave him a broom while he was shadow practicing. Imagining it to be his bat, he went on practicing all day and the result? The house was cleaned like never before!

***

As the 100^th century came closer, the King got anxious. He remembered clearly what the astrologers had prophesized and he couldn’t take any risk at all. Centuries were hard to find those days, two new balls at both ends and seaming conditions, all meant that he kept on nicking the ball behind to the keeper and getting caught. Distraught and visibly demotivated, he called up the BCCI President. “Sir, this DRS, it keeps giving wrong decisions, let’s get rid of it.”

“Why not, we surely will Sach, your wish is my duty,” the President diligently replied.

“Get rid of the DRS, it will do me a world of good.”

And the DRS was removed by the powerful BCCI and was never to be seen again being implemented in a single match India was a part of.

With a little bit of help and a lot of luck, he reached the 99^th Hundred. He celebrated it with pomp. The astrologers were a century away from being proven wrong.

He called up the BCCI President again.

“Organise a match against the weakest Cricket team in the world,” he ordered.

“Your wish is my duty,” the President said again. “If you may wish, we can arrange for a match against Bangladesh.”

“No, no, not Bangladesh, they ruined our World Cup last time around, I want a weaker opposition.”

“Afganisthan would do?”

“No, not at all. I don’t want Talibans breathing down my neck when I am on ninety nine. Never.”

“Fine,” the President paused. “What about the Masai tribes of Africa? Surely they have zero knowledge of cricket, you would be able to plunder them.”

“Oh yes, but do they have International status?”

“Worry you not.” Saying so, the President made a few phone calls and within hours a team named Masai United was formed. It was granted international status and its players recognized, players who had never held a cricket bat in their life.

Tendulkar’s ultimate match was scheduled at Lord’s, the Mecca of Cricket. India v/s Masai United.

***

India watched in bated breath as Tendulkar got out in the middle to bat. He adjusted his crotch guard a couple of times and made faces, then he faced his first delivery and dispatched it for a six. The crowd roared, Tendulkar sighed, the Masai United players scratched their heads.

Then came the next ball, it was hit for six again…!

And then Tendulkar went on a 6 hitting spree, 6…6…6…6…6…6…6…6…6…6…6…6…6…6, he hit 14 sixes after his first two in a specially designed 20 ball over. He stood motionless. He was four away from that magical landmark, the King of Centuries, the century of centuries…

He glanced the next ball down to fine-leg and ran a quick three and then waited for his strike next.

In the meanwhile, his team mates on the other end who weren’t being too kind started demonstrating how the Masai’s would bat when they came out. The wickets started tumbling and Tendulkar soon was the last man standing on 99.

Ulanku Mashuata ran in at great speed and bowled a bouncer, it brushed against his bat and he ran to complete the hundredth run. And what joy, he danced and danced and danced. He looked at the heavens and thanked the Mighty. He hugged his partner, he kissed the Umpires, he shook hands with the Masai and abruptly left the pitch and started doing the victory lap around the ground.

The BCCI President announced on the PA System that a cash reward of Rs. 1 crore had been declared and the match had now been suspended and the Masais were requested to go back home as their purpose had been fulfilled.

Vijay Mallya arranged a special chartered flight for them in his now defunct airlines. The Calendar girls were all present as air hostesses.

A press conference was arranged and Tendulkar spoke of how he had achieved the unthinkable and told everyone all about the astrologer’s prediction. He declared his intention to retire and got a teary farewell.

But in the backdrop of all that a diminutive scorer named Ramprakash had fallen asleep while the 100^th run was being taken, he being the official scorer of the ICC had the authority to nullify any record. When he woke up, he realized that he had suffered from his regular bouts of amnesia and he failed to recollect any happenings of the match.

In the record Tendulkar still stood on 99 centuries and 99 not out in a suspended match. This broke out to become an International controversy, a scandal. The Indian media attacked the racist West and the Westerners called the Indians arm twisters. Enquiries were set up and public trials began but Ramprakash didn’t go back on his word. “Ninety nine,” he said, flashing his toothless grin.

Tendulkar screamed and screamed and screamed. He “aila” to the President repeatedly till the President broke down in sheer torture, Tendulkar decided to take back his retirement and play again.

Hence, the retirement was called off and the search for the 100^th 100 continued. And then in three months, United Nations passed a resolution that the money from Cricket was being used to fund conflict diamonds and hence in a unanimously passed decision, Cricket had now been suspended on the global arena for 15 years!

Being Manoj Tiwary

This article has been read by Manoj Tiwary himself, liked and appreciated. He sent me a message through his Twitter handle:

On an over-cast Brisbane morning, MS Dhoni’s Blue Brigade got down to bat at the magnificent Gabba. It was the opening match of the Commonwealth Bank Series 07/08 and the Indians, shaky starters as they are; in no time were 26/2 with two of their premier batsmen in the form of Sachin Tendulkar and Rohit Sharma, back in the pavilion. Along with Gautam Gambhir - a younger and leaner Rohit Sharma got down to work, grafting a partnership with a flurry of strokes that included the cover drive which made Ian Chappell famously quote – “this lad looks good”. For some Indian fans, that 65 run partnership seemed to be a new lease of life but that was not to be. At the score of 91, India lost Gambhir and in came Manoj Kumar Tiwary…

It was on the 8^th of May, the previous year (2007) when while enthusiastically taking part in a fielding drill, Tiwary injured his shoulder and had to be sent home. It was the eve of what was going to be the first time he’d be donning the India colours. The Bangladesh series marketed as the ‘Payback Series’ was right after the World Cup, where India had been badly humiliated by the Bangla tigers. And it was a series where the big stars like Ganguly and Tendulkar were conspicuous by their absence. Just a month back, there had been a lot of hue and cry about the future of Indian cricket and the Board had collectively decided to blood in more youngsters. So a younger team was formed under the leadership of Rahul Dravid and amongst the present crop of frontline players, the only notable inclusion was that of Gautam Gambhir (for whom it was a comeback series). So Manoj Tiwary was the only player to be a part of that series who in some way, even after 3 years and 8 months, is still under the radar of selectors. Mind you, Raina was grueling it out in domestic cricket, there was no Sharma and definitely there was no Kohli. This more or less tells where Tiwary stood till just a few years back and where he did before scoring that magnificent hundred at Chepauk.

Manoj Tiwary was the flagbearer of the new crop of players who would be taking Indian cricket forward. When the World Cup debacle happened, a lot of expectations were laid on a person who was going to take up the mantle of Sourav Ganguly in Bengal Cricket and his statistics (at a point his average was 99.50 in First-Class Cricket) made matters even better. So that injury at Dhaka became the starting point of a stop-start career that was marred more with unfortunate incidents than display of moments of true brilliance for which Tiwary was born for. Manoj or fondly called ‘Mani’ by people close to him, did not lose heart. He came back and started piling runs again in the Domestic circuit, modest by his standards – he scored 456 runs at an average of 45.60 and two centuries in Bengal’s 2007/08 Ranji campaign. He came out in difficult situations and bailed his team out, making sure that his knocks on the doors of Team India could be well heard.

Then came India’s tour Down Under where Yuvraj Singh after an average Test series got injured prior to the one-day series. A series that became famous for his never ending run of bad form, both in batting and in relationships. Nevertheless, as a last moment replacement, Manoj was flown in from India and after covering a journey from one hemisphere to another, he was finally there – drafted in to tackle the likes of Johnson and Lee on a day when they were at their lethal best.

He played and missed, he hit one firmly to point but it was brilliantly saved. Then came a Lee bouncer which he ducked and after running a quick double, he smelt leather for a second time. Then just when he was about to regain composure, a toe crushing Yorker came, crashing into his stumps and ending his brief twelve ball stay at the crease. He ended with figures of just two runs in his debut outing. Co-incidentally it was the very same ground where Bengal’s prodigal son, Sourav Ganguly had a nightmarish outing against the West Indies in his ODI debut, where he managed a meager score of three from thirteen balls.

Manoj Tiwary did not get another game in the entire series. It was a series which saw the emergence of Rohit Sharma and the re-entrance of Suresh Raina (who didn’t get a game too) into the Indian dressing room. Tiwary was back into oblivion. The Indian Premier League followed, where he was picked up by the GMR owned Delhi Daredevils as more of a flamboyant extra than a regular player. He hardly got a chance to play in an eleven dominated by the likes of Sehwag, Gambhir, Shikhar Dhawan, Dilshan and De’villiers. As Suresh Raina made merry on flat Chennai pitches and Rohit Sharma was the saving grace of the Chargers’ disastrous campaign, the prodigy of Manoj Tiwary was hardly getting more than 6-7 balls to play in a match. The 2009 season was again a season when Tiwary was shrouded in self-doubts about whether he could perform at the highest level or not. An injury during IPL-2 in South Africa, also ensured that he was off the Domestic circuit for quite a while, thus marking his absence from the Selectors’ notebooks, for good. Shashi Tharoor, ex-Member of the Parliament, in one of his columns mentioned how Tiwary was one of those cases of talent lost in wilderness. A bright chapter in Bengal Cricket’s history seemed to have got over a little too early.

Then came the big season, the season of 2010…

In a swap-deal, Tiwary was drafted into the Ganguly led, Bengal centric – Kolkata Knight Riders, owned by the ever popular Shah Rukh Khan. The tides seemed to be turning in his favour as he got a permanent place in the playing XI. In his first match at home, against the Bangalore Royal Challengers, Tiwary blasted his way to a fifty odd, in the process mauling the likes of Kallis and Kumble on a difficult Kolkata pitch. The celebration after his fifty was expressive, it was of a person who had been subdued for a long long time, the shackles started to break. Another brilliant knock followed as Punjab was made to pay at Mohali, to cap his performance with the bat, he took a blinder to dismiss Yuvraj. The rub of the green was finally going Mani’s way. As a reward for his performances, he was gifted an India A cap and sent for the tour to England against the England Lions and the West Indies A team. Some motivated performances and a gritty hundred ensured that Tiwary was back in the reckoning. In the Ranji Trophy that followed, he scored 525 runs in the 7 innings he played with a double century and three half centuries to his name. The season ended on a high for him.

After India’s victory at the World Cup and the IPL, the team to West Indies had to be announced. Tiwary was one of the dark horses for a place in the squad however he couldn’t make it to the initial list. But a last moment withdrawal from Yuvraj (Yes, Yuvraj!) ensured that Tiwary was aboard the flight to West Indies on what was going to be his second outing in India colours. With big names rested, he was more than certain to be given a chance to play atleast one game. After India wrapped up the series, he was made to open, something he openly says he isn’t comfortable with. In the 4^th ODI of the series, he scored 2 runs which equaled his career average. And just when he started to look comfortable in the 5^th ODI, he lost his wicket for 22 runs. He continued to be noticed through performances in the Emerging Players Tournament and he got a call up again to be the last moment replacement for an injured Rohit Sharma in India’s tour to England. He came in to bat at Southampton when the top order had already scored enough runs, he had to hit or get out, which he managed to do comfortably well, scoring 9 runs quickly with a couple of strong hits. Ravindra Jadeja played a sparkling innings in his very next match and it sidelined Tiwary for the rest of the series.

His determination to play for the country and come to its’ rescue whenever injury-ridden, went down well with the management and he got to play for India against England in the home series. He sat out during most parts of the series with a mediocre Parthiv Patel getting repeated opportunities and the team management favouring Ajinkya Rahane over Tiwary. An outing at his home ground didn’t help matters much, as a score of 24 didn’t make his place in the side certain for the next series.

And finally when the West Indies series arrived and Tiwary was overlooked for a place in the XI yet again, he didn’t lose the faith in himself. He came out in the 5^th ODI, the one-off chance he got like he had been getting for a long time now and with nerves of steel he crafted a well made, painful 104. And the rest will surely be history.

Manoj Tiwary has played 5 series for India across 4 continents but has got play in only 5 games before the West Indies match. Perhaps something that could have made even the best doubt their own abilities. Not complaining much about board politics and selection blasphemies, it was heartening to see the 26 year old bat out the Chennai heat. He knew that it was going to be the last chance he’d get for a long time now. With a crowded Indian middle order, if he didn’t make use of his second coming then only God could have helped him. But what makes Manoj Tiwary a champion is his self belief. It is not easy to go down to bat as last moment replacements, it is not easy to concentrate on your game when you constantly have to look over others’ shoulders, but he did. After some mistakes here and there, he championed the ghosts of self doubt to emerge victorious on the 11^th day of December, 2011. Now here is a man who was certain of playing Tests for India, running into the field with drinks, doing substitute fielding and being given opportunities that never do justice to his talent. Some may say that he lacks the finishing abilities, others complain that he hasn’t made most of his chances but the fact remains that he was one of those youngsters who shot into the limelight pre-IPL and even after all the glamour and fame it has to offer, he has not lost himself. Manoj Kumar Tiwary, through his century at Chepauk sent a message to the big-wigs of India cricket that talent can only lost direction, it can never be lost.

For the aspiring Indian cricketer reading this post, it is important to realize that talent can go awry at times but true character is when you can get it together and deliver to your potential. And as a fan, I pray that Chota Dada gets a longer run in the Indian team and when history books are re-written, Manoj Tiwary is listed alongside the likes of Pankaj Roy and Sourav Ganguly – who stand for dominance of Cricket in Bengal.

Food for thought: Sourav Ganguly remained a passenger for most of his debut tour, getting a last moment game against West Indies, after which he was sent into wilderness for 4 years. Wriddhiman Saha, despite being a superior wicket-keeper as well as batsman than Parthiv Patel keeps warming the benches in Test matches. Now, Manoj too? Your comments?

Written by:

Ritwik Mallik

Bestselling author of 'Love Happens Like That' and 'Because You Loved Me..'

http://ritwikmallik.weebly.com

Admission Blues, Nation Still Finding Clues!

There was a time when 79 per centers were looked at with awe in the society.

Fast forward to 2011 & reverse the digits: one will see that even a 97% isn't good enough to secure a seat in a college of his choice.

Is it all about the demand for admission or Board exam results? Or is it about getting jobs? It might very well be that all of it is just in our head.

The problem lies with our country being one where only academics and radicals are respected. Pre-independence, the British saluted the Babus who cracked Civil Services Exams and hanged the radicals, yet both had tremendous respect. Today, either you are brilliant or you are a part of the underworld - these are perhaps, the only two ways of assuring yourself of a more or less secured life. But, since the 'underworld' isn't too much of an option for many, it leaves us with achieving excellence and that too in academics!

While caste certificates sell for lakhs, the meritorious (those who don't need them) study for jobs that'll fetch them lakhs. Such is the irony of the whole situation. Take for example, a child who slogs his ass off for the better part of his life, lands up in the mercy of a teacher - who narrowly managed to earn her degree. That teacher not knowing how much to mark him, evaluates him miserably. He scores badly, marks fall due to fate and he decides to do a Batman (without a Bat-suit of course) and jumps off a building!

...a brilliant mind lost in vain. They say its stress, I say it's all in the system!

From a country of thinkers and philosophers, if we intend to become a country of doers, what we actually need for starters is a well laid out system: clear, incorruptible and transparent. An application-skill based admission scheme can only do us good in this regard. What's the point if a 90 per center knows all rules of debit and credit but doesn't know how to apply them?

We need to work towards a pressure free evaluation system or one where a child is exposed to pressure systematically, that too starting from a young age. So that, when he is ready to face the world - pressure to him is not something he experiences only in the washroom!

The Curious Case of Self Contradiction

Ever heard of this lad called Swami Nigamanand who was fasting for 109 days for the closure of mining work on the banks of the river Ganga at Haridwar?

Some of you might have, most really haven’t. At least the ones for whom the blog is intended have hardly heard of this spirited young Indian who died fighting for a real cause.

Well another name crops up with the very mention of swami. How can I even forget the most famous of them all – Baba Ramdev!

And in this case most of you must have seen his saffron clad torso hogging all the air space on National television for a five star hunger-strike against black money and corruption in the country some time back. And if the numerous air-coolers, fancy carpets and decorations had enough to justify the five stars attached to the fast, the Baba’s arrival in his fancy private jet blew wind out of his claims of our politicians not adhering to austerity and indulging in all kinds of under the table stuff. If today, a known face and a mass leader (with reach no less to that of a politician) of the stature of Ramdev decides to fly in a private jet and then talk of corruption eating into the plates of the hungry, then I must take the trouble of pointing it out that a mere travelling by train instead of his private jet (which costs in millions) would save him 1000% costs and if that money donated to the nation’s wealth reserve, would be enough to feed a poverty stricken village with basic food items for nearly a month if not more. It’s not just his lifestyle and his empire worth billions; let’s talk about what he preaches: The Ramdev-form of Yoga. It made him a cult icon and the butt of all jokes at the same time, his form of yoga that is. He claimed to be harnessing the hidden powers of yoga that was discovered by the saints of our land hundreds of years ago. There are hundreds who crowd his yoga sessions and thousands who sit glued to their television every time he twitches a stomach muscle and dances like a man with ants in his pants. They feel that it cures them of all diseases and rightfully so, it’s true that so many people have actually benefitted from following Ramdev but then does the Yoga guru actually practice what he preaches?

What’s with all this yoga business and immaculate health status when a certain Nigamanand (a non-commercial, more traditional guru) could survive without food for 109 days and Mr. Ramdev gave up on his fast with a whimper, that too in just 9 days when he had promised of a long haul initially. Did the health of supposedly the healthiest man in the country fail? Or was it just eye wash from Day One?

It’s the curious case of preachers one may say. They seldom practise what they preach and in most cases get away with it. But it just exposes the shades of the hypocrite hidden within their character. Why just Ramdev? Let’s talk about any random person for that matter.

Mr. Vijay Mallya preaches for support to his Green Movement. He makes his IPL team wear green and gold in support for the environment and then the very next moment flies around his jet and runs an Airlines business whose functionality depends on the burning of fuel. What happened Mr.Mallya? Is the fuel of Kingfisher Airlines also eco-friendly now?

Shah Rukh Khan declares in joy, his unending love for the icon of Kolkata, Sourav Ganguly. Even goes to the extent of dedicating a victory to Kolkata’s prodigal son. But sadly enough all this drama comes after treating Ganguly like garbage during the IPL auctions and post that phase. Does it remind me of hypocrisy again?

All flag bearers of the society indulge in some form of hypocrisy or the other. Some openly, some not so openly. It’s the curious case of preachers, they seem to be the wisest men around when it comes to suggesting and issuing directions to others, when they are required to follow their directed paths, all they get are weak knees.

There might be one preacher hidden within you as well. Try and remember the last time you said something or asked someone to do something you would never have managed to do had you been in that person’s shoes. Trying to be the pathfinder is perfectly find, trying to lead is also fine, but leading by example is the difficult bit. Doing what you advocate is as difficult as what is being advocated. Human beings err in this department repeatedly, yet never decide to learn from their past mistakes.

If what differentiated animals from human beings were emotions, then the will to do what one sermonizes would be something that would differentiate humans from just beings.

"Oh No....Relationships!!"